


The McRib Is Back

by MamaKat (K4KY01N)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, But like in a SFW way that is also cautious of boundaries, Cuddling, Dysphoria, F/F, Force-Femming, Rose is a babe, The McRib, We love women in this chatroom, trans girl john egbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-11-22 08:07:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20870948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K4KY01N/pseuds/MamaKat
Summary: The McRib is back, and because he lacks any other friends, Rose takes John to get one.





	1. Chapter 1

It's October 29th, 2019, and you're really, REALLY hungry. 

Though you suppose you should back up a bit. 

Your name is John Egbert. You're 21 years old, and you're currently in your last year of college. Currently, you're living in an upscale house owned by your roommate's mother, Roxy Lalonde. Your roommate's name is Rose-- and goddamn she's pretty. Ugh. You hate thinking like that. A year or two ago, in the middle of your college stint, Rose came out to you, with tears in her eyes, as a bona fide lesbian; thoroughly crushing any hope you had of asking her on a date. 

Not to imply that it was about you, it was obviously about her and her coming out, it was just a simultaneous side effect of..not that it's a CONDITION-

John Egbert, you are a TERRIBLE straight ally. 

Your phone buzzes. Thank god, something to distract you from your own thoughts.

You flip your flip-phone open. You don't bother with anything more advanced than a PDA these days. It's a text from Dave-- another one of your friends, just one who went out of state for college. Not that you blame him, his bro is a freak, and you'd rather sever your brain-stem than live with him that long. You and Dave had a strong, powerful friendship for several years. It's still present, it's just faded after he moved away. But you keep in touch, especially since you live with his sister. You narrow your eyes to get a better read on what he's saying. 

TG: bro   
TG: mcrib is back   


No way. Your eyes go wide with shock. This can't be real. You tap a few ticks down on the messages, and see he's attached a link. You click it open, leading to a news article about how the McRib is coming back. Not just coming back, it IS back. Today. Today's the day of the ribs. You don't know what to say. You were just going to lay shirtless in the heat for the entire day, totally out of commission after an all-nighter of awful MMOs, but THIS....

EB: holy shit.   
EB: holy shit dave we have to get one.   
TG: i dont know if you forgot but i live in california now, not dipcock washington  
EB: i know that!   
EB: i meant like. we go to mcdonalds separately and talk about how great it is after we eat it.  
TG: john thats a dumb idea   
TG: im in   


You let out a resounding "FUCK YES!" to the heavens, and quickly leap out of your bed, scrambling to put a shirt on. You reach into your closet and yank out a white shirt with your signature symbol on the front. You slip it on over your head, and look into the mirror to see if you missed anything, and--

Oh. 

Right. Dumb of you. Dumb of you to think you could be seen outside. Not like this, not with so much stubble, such a wide body, so filthy, you need at least sixteen showers before you can leave. You begin to type out a message to Dave saying that, while you're so excited to taste the sweet, salty barbecue sauce of the McRib again after all these years, you can't today. You're about to hit send, when your door opens. You turn around, and-

ROSE: Can you please keep it down? I'm trying to watch my w-  
ROSE: Something is wrong.   


She's right and wrong, wrapped into one neat little package of confusion. You aren't quite sure how to phrase how you feel right now. She's wrong in that nothing is really wrong right now, you should be excited. She's right in that, for some reason, looking into the mirror just ripped all semblance of excitement from your body, and now you just feel like closing the closet door and sleeping in pure darkness. 

JOHN: what? no. of course not.   
JOHN: i was just um. scared. because you came in so suddenly, and..   
ROSE: ...   
ROSE: Right. Sorry.   
ROSE: What got you so excited?   
JOHN: Oh!   
JOHN: McRib is back!   


Rose looks nonplussed for a moment. Her painted lips (why is she wearing makeup on a 80 degree day where she's staying inside?) scrunch up into an analyzing gaze, trying to see if you're lying about any part of that sentence. Her eyes narrow. Then, in an instant, she switches to an excited expression. 

ROSE: McRib is BACK?  


What? She's... excited. About the McRib. The dumb rib-shaped pork patty sandwich with onions and pickles on it. Honestly, she sounds more excited than you. You were just excited because it meant an opportunity to hear Dave ramble excitedly about the McRib. Which, frankly, sounds a little gay, but it's genuinely just nice to hear Dave rant about  how the mcrib is the norse breakfast meal for all the vikings in valhalla  because it's funny and he's a dumbass. You were a little concerned that you might hear less of him once he got a boyfriend up in UCLA. Kar...Karkarot. Uh.. Shit. You're a bad friend. Your friends are all gay and you're an awful friend. Rose is staring at you. 

ROSE: John, I asked what we're waiting for!  
ROSE: The McRib is BACK and we are sitting here on our asses like we're going to get it hand delivered to us.  
ROSE: You were getting dressed, right? Come on, hurry up and put your shirt on, I'll drive us.   
JOHN: about that..   
JOHN: can it maybe.. wait until tomorrow?   


Rose stops in her tracks, literally, mid-step, to turn and face you. She seemed so eager. You're an asshole for stopping her like this. 

ROSE: Nope.   


You blink in surprise. No? You didn't even know she was capable of dismissing your personal wants for her (and your) greater needs... Well, actually, you absolutely knew that. That's, like, her main thing. She's a psych major, and she surrounded herself with the biggest weirdos on earth for years on end. So, yeah, she's totally capable of saying 'fuck you' to all boundaries. You're still confused on how she could see you being so visibly uncomfortable and still demand you get the McRib with her. It's weird how.. endearing it is?

ROSE: We're getting the McRib, John, and nothing is going to stop me.   
ROSE: Since something is clearly eating you up, though, I will do you the favor of listening to your troubles on the ride over.   
JOHN: you make it sound like youre doing me a favor by listening to my existential dread-fueled ramblings.   
JOHN: i'm not a podcast, rose.   
ROSE: You could be. All the cool kids are doing it.  
JOHN: i dont want to be a podcast, either!   


Rose takes your hand. Your feelings for Rose, while subdued with the standard response of "She's a lesbian, idiot," are still slightly present, so you get a little weird at the touch. She looks at your exposed chest in a very clinical way, then up to your face with a strange fondness in her eyes. What's happening right now.

ROSE: Put a shirt on, John.  
ROSE: We are going to get the McRib.   


You stare, nonplussed. Jesus, she is really going on about this whole McRib thing. You were SUPER excited when you heard it was back, and yet, even the peak of your excitement couldn't reach the baseline of Rose's. You blink a few times, and sigh. 

JOHN: fiiiiine.   
ROSE: Good boy. Now get dressed, I'll be in the car.  


Rose leaves, leaving you alone in your room again. Weirdly enough, it feels more empty than before she came in. You sigh, and finish slipping your shirt on. You grimace at the symbol on the front. For so long you've had this shirt, and you've never seemed to grow out of it. You sigh, and slip a jacket on over it. It's supposed to be cold today, anyway.

weird. This jacket is a little tight on you. Maybe you've been growing after all. You admire yourself in the mirror. It's a black jacket made of some kind of false denim material, distressed in all sorts of places. Strangely goth for your tastes, but it's a pleasant change. It's got four buttons down the left side, and the slits on the right. You adjust the collar a bit, and stare at yourself. You have no memory of ever wearing this jacket, but it's cute on you. 

Cute? Yeah, cute. You're an ally, you know that men can be cute. 

You head out to the driveway, and see Rose's car-- a pretty, relatively new car that her mother bought for her when she went off to college, as if paying for her lodging isn't enough. Rose is staring at you, with a quirked brow. You shrug it off, and open the passenger door, sliding in. 

JOHN: ready. so, there's a mcdonalds on 3rd and west that--   
ROSE: Wait.   
ROSE: Is that my old jacket?   
JOHN: uhhhhhhhh........  


You look down, and realize there's a reason you've never worn this before. It's because it's Rose's jacket. You promptly freak the fuck out. 

JOHN: im SO SORRY rose i didnt realize this was your coat ill take it off right now ill go put it in your room and-  


You're stopped by Rose leaning over the middle of the car, and adjusting a few parts of her coat on your body. She tugs the shoulders up so they don't feel so tight, she pulls the arms closer to your pits, and properly buttons the cuffs around your arms. The whole process takes no more than half a minute. 

ROSE: Keep it.   
ROSE: You look nice.   
JOHN: ........  
JOHN: thank you?   


Rose starts the car, and backs out of the driveway. You take a moment to look at yourself in the car mirror. 

You do look nice. 


	2. Chapter 2

JOHN: rose...   
ROSE: I know what you're going to say, and I feel the same way.   
ROSE: The McRib isn't as good as I remember.   
JOHN: what? no! the mcrib is super good.  
JOHN: i was going to thank you for forcing me out of the house.   
JOHN: since last semester ended ive kinda been way more of a homebody than usual.  
JOHN: everything in the world has been so awful, and...   
ROSE: John, please.   
ROSE: I did this because you're my friend, not because I wanted a thank you.  
JOHN: oh. well.   
JOHN: thank you anyway.   


Rose gives you a look. Shit, is it unlike you to thank people so earnestly? You tense up, and look down at your hands. Below them, you see the off-white, almost beige table that you and Rose sat at when you got your sandwiches. In the corner of your vision, there's a number dug deep into the table's surface-- 14. You never understood why they ruined a perfectly good table by drilling a number into it. Now if they ever replace it, there'll be a time where there's just a gap in the numbers, and even if they replace it with a table that has the exact same number, it'll probably be new and shiny, so it sticks out among the others. If it sticks out, more people will sit at it, getting it dirty and mussed until it's the same quality as the rest of the tables, and-- 

Your eyes focus on the McRib. Your mind clears. You don't want to overthink tables. You lift the sandwich, and take a bite. The first thing that hits your tongue is bread, the bland, tasteless white bread they always put these awful sandwiches on. Then you chew, and the overwhelming barbecue sauce coats your tongue, then the salty pickles and the sweet white onions... You remember the first time you ate one, when you were 13. When you first ate it, it made your juvenile taste buds so happy with the different flavors all as intense as each other, but now..

JOHN: i think im bored of life.   


Rose looks alarmed for a moment. In that same moment, your anxiety spikes, and you're suddenly terrified that you may have said something wrong. You don't want to alarm Rose, that's the last thing you want, she's one of your closest friends, if you hurt her somehow you'd never forgive yourself, and-

ROSE: What makes you say that?   
JOHN: i dont know, i just..   
JOHN: everything used to be so vivid.   
JOHN: then i went into college and realized how everyone was 'finding themselves,' and..   
JOHN: i dont know, i felt lost?   
ROSE: Lost how?   
JOHN: everyone was making student films, or getting into relationships, or..   
ROSE: John, you're staring me in the eyes. You never do that.   
ROSE: Is it something about me?   
JOHN: sorta?   
JOHN: you.. you got so pretty!   
JOHN: you used to look so sad, then came to college and transitioned, and..   
ROSE: Are you jealous?   
JOHN: what?   
ROSE: Are you jealous of me transitioning?   
JOHN: I....   
JOHN: maybe?   
JOHN: you just look so happy and comfortable in your skin, and you rarely look at me and frown except when i bring this up, and..   
ROSE: John.   
JOHN: i wish i was as happy like you are.   
JOHN: happy, pretty, smart, jesus..   
JOHN: i wish i was trans, too.   
JOHN: that way id at least know why im so fucking sad all the time.   
ROSE: ...   
ROSE: I see.   
ROSE: I didn't know you felt that way.   


It then dawns on you that you're having this conversation in the back of a McDonalds, halfway through your sandwich. You look, dejectedly, at the half a meat patty remaining. Some of the pickles and onions have spilled out the back onto the tray, from you holding it perpendicular to the ground. You let the sandwich fall, and groan. 

JOHN: im sorry, i didnt mean to get all weird with you.  
ROSE: I'm a psych major. What you did is like waking up a baby on christmas morning.   
ROSE: Why don't we head out to the rest of the mall, and walk and talk?  


You stare off into the distance for a moment, out the window of the enclosed McDonalds mall shop. If you go out there, people will see you. People will see you with Rose, and they'll see Rose do that thing where she instinctively grabs your sleeve and tugs you along, and they'll think you're her boyfriend or something.. 

Your face gets hot. You're such a scumbag for even thinking that. You wish you were a girl, so you could hold Rose's hand and stare at her and share her clothes and.. wait. What? 

You discard the thought immediately, never to think about it again. 

JOHN: sure. that sounds nice.   


Wordlessly, Rose gets out of her chair. She gestures to the tray in front of you, as if to politely ask if you were finished. You pause, take one last bite of the sandwich, then set it down, immediately regretting the decision. For some reason, the taste of it doesn't seem worth it anymore. Rose lifts the tray up, and dumps the contents into the nearest trash bin. She sets it on top of the trash can, and waits politely by the door. You catch the slightest reflection of yourself in the window, and grimace. Why are you grimacing? You fake a smile, and head silently to Rose's side. 

ROSE: My mother's allowance came in. Not to sound like the bourgeoisie, but I have more money than I know what to do with right now.  
ROSE: You wouldn't mind accompanying me to some of the clothing shops, would you?   
JOHN: what, you go to these places?   
JOHN: no offense, but you seem more akin to a Hot Topic or something.   
ROSE: Oh, it's not for me.   
JOHN: huh?   
ROSE: Hm?   


With that, Rose takes you by the sleeve and leads you through the medium mid-day crowds, out of the food court, and towards the clothes stores. You almost speak up, asking for clarification, but you decide to keep your mouth shut. Rose knows what she's doing. 

She bobs and weaves past carts and mall scams, and leads you to a clothing store a bit more akin to a popular, preppy high school student's favorite store than something Rose would like. Again, you almost speak up, but opt to keep yourself quiet. You're staring at Rose instead of watching where you're walking. If Rose wasn't so keen, you would've bumped into some poor lady on the way in. She moves past anything resembling gothic, and stops right at the beginnings of the plus size section. So it IS for her. Not that she doesn't have any fat friends, you mean, YOU'RE pretty hefty, how else could you fit into Rose's old jacket? She's lost a bit of weight, though, does she really need to-

ROSE: Here, here, and..   
ROSE: here.   


Rose begins picking clothes out, lifting shirts up from the rack, and placing them in your awaiting arms. How long have your arms been outstretched like that? You shake your head, and look at the shirts. There's an old graphic tee from some dumb TV show that you think your cousin watched, a nice jacket with cute patches like 'GIRL POWER' and 'ANARKY 4 LYFE' baked into the denim, and a plain black skirt. 

ROSE: There. I think that's plenty for now.   
ROSE: Follow me.   


Rose leads you towards the changing rooms, and you almost walk in with her, before you stare at the sign, clearly stating SINGLE ENTRANTS ONLY. 

JOHN: uh, rose, i can't go in with you. the guard will get mad.   
ROSE: Hmm.   
ROSE: I have an idea.   


Rose turns to the guard, a slim troll with two sets of horns and seems to be wearing 3D glasses, if 3D glasses were even more stupid than they already are. You think you remember him from high school, but he never stuck around for any of the big moments in your life. What a shame. You wish he was relevant enough to really remember the name of. But you don't, so you keep quiet. 

Rose pulls out a taser, and glares at the guard. He instinctively throws his hands up, and blushes a deep yellow. 

SOLLUX: je2u2 fuckiing chrii2t lady ii get paiid miiniimum wage for thi2 ju2t go iin2iide  


Rose puts the taser away, and gives you a soft smile. You enter the dressing room with her with no problems. As you enter, Rose is humming a small tune. She shuts the door firmly behind her, and locks it. She then turns to you, and gives a contented smile. 

JOHN: i thought you didnt like these kinds of clothes.   
ROSE: Oh, I don't.   
ROSE: But I'm not going to be wearing them.   
JOHN: then.. who is?   
ROSE: You are, John.   
ROSE: Just humor me.   


She reaches up and presses her index finger against your glasses, which slipped down when your jaw dropped open. 

JOHN: sorry????????  
ROSE: It's called testing a hypothesis, John.   
ROSE: Don't you like science?   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was kinda rushed. I need to get better at making scenes a bit longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK IT. you get a double update, AND one without proper formatting, because AO3 is being chronically fucking stupid today. That, or it's me. The latter is more likely.

You stare at Rose for what feels like an eternity, expecting her to say ‘Sike! Now get out so you don’t see me naked.’ But the longer you stay silent, the more expectant she becomes, like she thinks you’re actually thinking it over. When you open your mouth, you’re going to say something stupid, aren’t you. Fuck. Fuck. You need to actually give it some thought now, so you don’t say something stupid. How are you going to explain to Rose that you don’t want to wear women’s clothes? This is a lot. This is a LOT, and you don’t know how you’re going to explain anything, you feel like you’re going to vomit, you--

ROSE: John, are you okay?

Shit, she’s getting concerned. Stop freaking out, idiot. Stop freaking out stop freaking out okay youre freaking out MORE STOP FUCKING HAVING A PANIC ATTACK OVER SUCH A SIMPLE FUCKING CONCEPT AS TRYING ON GIRLS CLOTHES FOR THE FIRST TIME JESUS CHRIST 13 YEAR OLD YOU WOULDVE KILLED FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING WHY ARE YOU FREAKING OUT STOP IT ST8P IT STOP IT

ROSE: John, it’s okay, I’m here. 

Rose clasps your hand, and you stop. Your hand is against the door, and you realize how hard your heart has been pounding. 

You look at the dressing room mirror. Rose gives you a look, but remains quiet. You’re tense, your face is a beet red, and you’re trembling. You look like you just got shouted at for half an hour. You look like you just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar, and now your babysitter is gonna kick your ass. You feel like you’re on the brink of tears. Your ears are ringing, and swallowing feels like a chore. You manage to breathe and swallow, as shaky as it is. 

ROSE: I’m sorry. I thought, maybe, this would be fun for you.   
ROSE: That, maybe, you’d be forced into finding yourself.  
ROSE: Throwing yourself into the deep end, so to speak.  
ROSE: I realize that was a mistake. I’m s-  
JOHN: no, ill put them on.  


Rose stops. She pulls her hand away, and stares at you for a second. 

ROSE: Really, you don’t have to if you dont want to-  
JOHN: i do.   


Rose stares at you, her eyebrows raised in concern. She nods, and reaches for the clothes. The air is tense as she organizes the clothes into set up outfits, and sets them on a bench. 

ROSE: I’ll be right outside. ROSE: Tell me if you need anything, okay? 

You nod, and smile, and she leaves the room. You look at the clothes. 

Time for some weird shit, you suppose. 

\---

I shut the door behind me, and immediately crumple up into a ball outside the dressing room door. I’m such a prick. I gave him a fucking panic attack trying to get him to try clothes on. Did I push too hard? Did I hurt his feelings, assaulting his fragile masculinity? Should I have tried nail polish and lipstick like when we were kids? Should I have tried anything other than what I just did? So stupid, so--  


My phone buzzes. I lift my phone out of my pocket, and stare at the screen. Dave.  


TG: hey did you threaten my boyfriend’s ex boyfriend   
TG: jesus that was a mouthful   
TG: yellow troll  
TG: four horns  
TG: looks like an idiot.  


UGH. I bite down on my hand. A desperate attempt to distract myself from oversharing to my blabbermouth of a brother. I suck air in through my teeth, and let my head fall back onto the door. I exhale through my nose..  


I type a response.  


TT: Not important.  
TT: I think I gave John a panic attack by implying that he’s trans.  
TG: rewind bitch   
TG: what   
TT: Okay, yes, maybe a rewind is in order.  
TT: Let us turn time’s arrow backward maybe 15 minutes.  
TT: All the way back to McDonalds.  
TG: oh you gave him a fucking crisis in a mcdonalds  
TG: no wonder i havent gotten a text back about the mcrib  
TG: btw shit sucks  
TT: Agreed.  
TG: i bought 12  
TT: He was already having a crisis, I think.  
TT: I only made it worse.  
TG: elaborate  
TT: He said that he was bored of life.  
TG: thats just like  
TG: depression  
TG: nothing special about that  
TT: He then proceeded to say that he ‘wished he was trans’  
TT: So ‘then he’d know what’s wrong with him’  
TG: hm  
TG: now color me curious but thats kinda innocuous out of context  
TG: so fill me in  
TT: This followed him saying he was jealous of my transition.  
TT: Sayin he’s jealous of how intelligent and beautiful I am.  
TG: youre serious  
TT: I was surprised too.  
TT: He isn’t typically one for actual compliments.  
TT: You made sure of that.  
TG: clearly didnt train him well enough  
TT: So I took him to a pretty, preppy store that I went to when I was still a cracking eggshell,  
TT: told him to try some stuff on,   
TT: and he nearly exploded from anxiety.  
TG: you dumb skank  
TT: DAVE!  
TG: im sorry but its true!  
TG: youre being a bit of a dumb skank right now  
TG: remember when you first realized you were trans  
TG: i was THERE when you tried on your first skirt  
TG: you were breathing so heavily the whole mall could hear you  
TG: you were nearly in tears  
TT: Thank you for making me relive that experience.  
TG: you thought being a girl would mean youd have to give up every part of your old identity  
TG: you looked so unhappy wearing all white  
TG: i still think if and when you get married youre gonna wear a tux  
TG: just because white is so ugly on you  
TT: Harsh, but fair.  
TT: The point is?  
TG: maybe dont shove people into situations you think they need?  
TT: But if..  
TT: Say he IS having second thoughts about gender.  
TT: Wouldn’t this be exactly what I needed when I was an egg?  
TG: you and john are very fucking different, rose  
TG: namely, you think the mcrib sucks shit  
TG: and he likes it  
TT: I think he just says that because he has some strange homoerotic fixation on you.  
TG: if hes trans wouldnt that be heteroerotic  
TT: Jesus Christ I hope not.   
TT: I don’t have room for heterosexuals in my life.  
TG: lol same  
TG: my entire dorm is gay  
TG: i slutted it up my entire first semester  
TG: except for like this ONE homebody who would not give me ANY time to make my case  
TG: then he got drunk at a party and we made out and he started getting nicer to me   
TT: Can we talk about how you and Karkat met later?  
TG: right sorry  
TG: thinking about his ass right now  
TG: hold up do you think he’d have good advice on this  
TT: Don’t bring your boyfriend into this.  
TG: fine  
TG: one day  
TG: hey how’s kanaya  
TT: I really do not need to think about how badly i am fucking up two relationships.  
TG: id hardly call it a relationship  
TG: you stare at her at the library and you studied with her once  
TG: or so im told  
TT: Ugh.  
TG: just ask her out idiot  
TG: its not hard  
TT: Dating is hard when you’re a trans woman, Dave, you now this.  
TG: not if youre a quality piece of pie in an awful buffet of skinny white losers who think minoring in women’s studies will get them pussy  
TT: Fair.  
TT: I just think I have more pressing matters than kanaydsgihksg  
TG: rose  
TG: rose did you die  
TG: did sollux call the troll mafia  
TG: im being informed that the impication of a troll mafia is racist  
TG: sorry trolls  


\---

Oh god. Ohhhh god. This makes things complicated, doesn’t it? You look at yourself in the mirror, nervously fiddling with the ends of the shirt, and swaying from side to side. The billowing skirt below you swishes so nicely. Your sneakers don’t exactly match the whole vibe, but the jacket is nice and punk, and the shirt is cute, and.. 

It’s all so nice, and you don’t know how to process. You remind yourself of Vriska. You smile at the thought. You tug on the ends of the jacket, making sure it fits nice and snug. Your body doesn’t exactly fill out these garments, but at least your pudginess lends itself slightly to assist. You think you feel.. Good? Your breath is heavy, but you have a smile on your face. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. You think you’re VIBRATING from how intensely you feel right now. Oh god you need to calm down. You REALLY need to calm down. Ha. hahaha. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

You’re crying! Holy shit, you’re crying actual tears, you havent cried in months. This means SOMETHING, right? You feel pretty, you’re twirling around, and oh god dont twirl too much you’ll vomit. What does this mean oh god what does this MEAN--

You’re reminded of something that Rose told you a long time ago. Something about.. Gender norms, and..

Whatever, you’re pulling that out of your ass. You’re FOCUSING on the fact that you’re CUTE. FUCK, youre CUTE???????? Where the hell is THAT coming from.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Okay. Enough mental screaming. You need to talk to someone. You open the door, and oh shit Rose was leaning against the door. She flops back, and looks up at you, phone still clutched in her mitts. 

\---

Oh, this makes things more complicated for me, doesn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @BozuBunny if you wanna talk about this fic. also listen to Cryptapology on spotify.


	4. Chapter 4

Your name is John Egbert. Or.. maybe not? You should probably come up with a proper new name. John isn't very feminine. That's not important right now. What is important is that you're currently sitting across from Rose, trying not to cringe every time you take a sip of tea. You aren't a tea person, really. You aren't a coffee person either. Up until recently, you've mostly subsisted on energy drinks and the occasional drink of water once your piss got an alarming shade of yellow. Though you don't admit that to anyone except yourself. You sip your tea and try desperately to keep the thought out of your mind. You were so gross, like, a week ago. Now you.. care more? Ugh. That's a weird thought. 

Oh. Shit. Rose is talking. You weren't really listening. You were just kinda lost in thought there. Oops. 

JOHN: sorry, um, what were you saying?   
JOHN: i was a little lost for a second.   
ROSE: No worries.   
ROSE: I was asking if you've spent a little more time thinking about your revelation.   
JOHN: oh.   


You look down, and in the corners of your vision you see your current outfit. You're wearing your old, ratty black jeans (you decided skirts weren't for you) and the coat Rose bought for you the other day. That was awfully sweet of her, you think. You haven't really taken it off since you got it-- apart from showers, obviously. and bed. You aren't gross. Right. Rose asked you something. 

JOHN: i, um..   
JOHN: not really?   


Rose looks at you with skepticism. 

ROSE: Really?   
ROSE: It was all I could think about when I first realized.   


Rose stands from her chair, and takes a few steps closer to you, now merely a foot away rather than sitting across the coffee table. Her gaze is much more sympathetic now, than her detached glare when she spoke to you yesterday. 

ROSE: How are you feeling right now?   
JOHN: honestly? i kinda want to vomit.   


Rose reaches over and wraps her hand around yours. She gives it a gentle squeeze. 

ROSE: I only had Dave to talk to when I first realized, and you know that he was no help.   
ROSE: I was scared, and was holding back chunks solely out of courtesy to the people I was around.   
ROSE: I know how you feel, John.   
ROSE:   
ROSE: Hm.   
ROSE: That doesn't quite fit anymore, does it?   


She looks at you, expectantly. You look back, a bit confused, for another moment, before you realize. She's asking you what your name is. God. That's weird. You never say your own name, so the moment it slips out of your mouth, it feels so awkward and clumsy. You think for a moment. There is a name you've been rolling around in your head, probably longer than the few days you've known you're trans. Is it a trans-ness faux pas to have a name so close to your deadname? Or is that good? Easier to transition to, or..? 

ROSE: June..   
ROSE: I like it.  
ROSE: You know, you don't have to make it so close to your deadname, though.   
JUNE: why not? you did it.   
ROSE: I...   
ROSE: Touche, Egbert.   
ROSE: That's a big step you just did nonetheless.   
ROSE: What's next?   
JUNE: ....honestly?   
JUNE: i kinda want to get drunk.   


Rose stares at you in shock. Her mouth is wide open, in a literal :O expression. 

ROSE: :O   
ROSE: June!   
JUNE: what? im bored and have a lot on my mind.   
JUNE: we dont have classes for another 72 hours.   
JUNE: if you want it to be slightly less sad, we could invite people over?   
ROSE: You, a freshly cracked egg, want to throw a house party and get drunk.   
ROSE:   
ROSE: You bewilder me.   


Rose lifts her phone out from her jacket pocket, and holds it up over her face. You can see a glimpse of it when she adjusts herself, scooting a bit closer towards you-- even taking the initiative to slip over to your loveseat and deposit herself directly in your lap. You try not to blush. Or get a boner. That last one is much harder because holy shit her butt is, like, RIGHT there on your crotch. 

ROSE: I could invite some of our mutual friends, and ask them to invite their friends, as well, but it'd be pretty small, even for us.   
JUNE: why not invite kanaya?   
JUNE: she seems fun.   
ROSE: June, please.   
ROSE: She is not the type to get drunk at a party.   
ROSE: She's refined, elegant, and gets day-drunk on mimosas, not crude beer.   
JUNE: ...   
JUNE: ,':I   
ROSE: Okay, fine, I'll invite her too. But she isn't the type to-   


Her phone beeps. She gives it a glance. 

tentacleTherapist: This is a longshot, but my friend and I are having a house party-- Do you want to come?   
grimAuxiliatrix: I Would Be Honored   
grimAuxiliatrix: Could I Bring A Friend   
grimAuxiliatrix: She Is Much More Party Oriented Than Me   
grimAuxiliatrix: My Seeing Eye Dog So To Speak   
tentacleTherapist: Of course. It'd be an honor to meet any of your friends.   
grimAuxliatrix: Send Me The Details   
grimAuxiliatrix: I Should Get Ready   


Rose stares at her phone in awe, totally ignoring the other couple beeps from other party-goers. Jeez, Rose is popular. You don't blame her. She's. Really pretty. Really hot. Really, really hot, oh god are you a lesbian now? Is that what this means? Oh jesus you haven't even THOUGHT of that- 

ROSE: I'm going to head to the liquor store.   
ROSE: Pick up some booze and those nice cheesy-crackers.   
ROSE: Are you going to be okay on your own?  
JUNE: why wouldn't i be?   
JUNE: i am a grown man.   
ROSE: You really aren't, and that's why I'm so concerned.   
ROSE: But if you're sure you'll be okay, I'll leave you in charge of putting plastic wrap on these cushions.   
ROSE: I don't want people spilling wine on these antique french couches.   
JUNE: what did you say your mom did for a living, again?  
ROSE: I have no idea. I honestly think she's some kind of bounty hunter.   
JUNE: horrifying. 

\------------------

The doorbell rings. You hope that you look slightly feminine enough to prompt a question, so you don't have to start a conversation with "I'm a girl now." Who knew being trans was this.. awkward? You swallow the lump in your throat, and open the door. It slowly parts to reveal.. 

SOLLUX: oh hey iit2 the tran2 one who2 friiend triied to ta2e me   
KANAYA: Sollux Please Dont Be Rude To Our Gracious Host   
JUNE: hi!   
JUNE: and, also, thank you for not getting us banned from the mall.   
KANAYA: June Right   
JUNE: yep! thank god its you guys, i was racking my brain over having to come out to my friends, like..   
JUNE: sorry, sorry, come in.   


You step to the side, and allow the first entrants to come in. They're a few minutes early, so you start to shut the door behind them so you can greet them properly, when-- 

DIRK: Hold the door.   


You keep the door open, but only because his voice paralyzes you. Otherwise you would've shut the door in a panic. 

DIRK: Thanks, bud.   
DIRK: I saw Rose at the liquor store, and she invited me over.   
DIRK: I hope you don't mind.   


He steps through the door with a case of what looks like some hipster-style IPA in his hands, and gives you his signature half-smile. Dirk Strider, The Strider Family Middle Child, Genuine Psychopath, Heir to the Throne Of Being A Complete Lunatic, stares at you through his anime shades. What a freak. 

DIRK: I think you can shut the door now.   
DIRK: I didn't see anybody else coming.   


You give a quick look past the door, out into the driveway, then shut it. You haven't the foggiest idea as to why Rose invited _Dirk Strider_ to the party. You quickly pull out your phone and send a panicked message to Rose. 

EB: DIRK STRIDER????????  
EB: you invited DIRK STRIDER?!?!?!?!  
TT: I.. didn't. I really, earnestly, did not.   
EB: HE IS RIGHT HERE IN OUR HOUSE WHAT THE FUCK HE IS TALKING TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND   
TT: She is not my girlfriend, and also stop yelling.   
EB: it.. really isn't a big issue, he just creeps me out.   
EB: how did he know we were having a party? how did he know you were at the liquor store?  
TT: That's a problem for hungover us.   
EB: ....touche, lalonde.   
EB: we're talking about this after the party, though.   


You tuck your phone away, and furrow your brow at Dirk. He gives you another half-smile, and turns back to Kanaya. He's in the kitchen, so you can't really hear him that well, but you think he's talking about Fight Club. Mostly from the fact that Kanaya looks uninterested, and nothing is less interesting to a lesbian than fight club. Unless you're a psych major. 

You might as well try to talk to him. Mostly as an excuse to try and snag one of those IPAs. You're a hipster fuck. 

\-------------

JUNE: so rose just pulls out a taser??   
JUNE: i was SO AFRAID that rose was just gonna shock him!   
ROSE: I was just threatening him. I wasn't actually going to do it.   
SOLLUX: bull2hiit. ii 2aw the bloodlu2t iin your eyes.   
DIRK: I wouldn't be surprised.   
DIRK: You have quite the knack for getting yourself into trouble.   
VRISKA: w8, you guys said you were there to get june this hot to trot outfit?   
VRISKA: i gotta say, lalonde, you outdid yourself!   
VRISKA: june makes a MUCH better girl anyway :::;)   
ROSE: As weird as you phrased that, I have to say I agree.   
ROSE: Very pretty. Though I suppose that's more a compliment on my outfitting choices than her beauty.   
JUNE: come on, guys, stop, i'm too drunk to take compliments well..   
VRISKA: DR8NK???????  
VRISKA: bitch-bo- er, bitch, you're still able to form a sentence! that's not drunk!   
SOLLUX: kegstand.   
SOLLUX: ii havent 2een anyone vomiit toniight, and ii want to change that.   
JUNE: ohhh no, definitely not. theres no chance in hell im-  


You do the kegstand. Vriska holds your ankles, and Sollux stares with conviction as he stuffs the working end of the tap into your mouth. Oh boy. This is an awful idea. This beer tastes like shit, and you're already a little tipsy, and.. 

\--------

Has the night been going by in flashes, or is that just you? You're sitting in a circle with Rose and Kanaya at your sides. Kanaya's horns are pressed against your head as she drunkenly fights off passing out. Rose's hand is on your thigh, and you feel very awkward. You're playing... truth or dare? 

ROSE: Juuuune. *Hic.*   
ROSE: Truuth or Daaaaaaaaare?   
JUNE: um.... shshshhuuuh..   
JUNE: Truth. No- Dare- NO. Truth.   
VRISKA: PUSSY!!!!!!!!   
ROSE: Vriska.... Shut the fuck your face.   
ROSE: June.... do u have a crush on anyone in this room?   
JUNE: um...   
JUNE: yes?   


You get the feeling you've just made a huge mistake. Well. You've been making mistakes all night. You sip gently on your water. You're trying not to vomit, and Vriska of all people gave you the water to help. Rose's eyes go wide, and you feel Kanaya lift herself off your shoulder and stare at you, still jade in the face. 

JUNE: um... sollux, truth or dare?   
SOLLUX: truth. iim a pu22y, but a 2mart one.   
JUNE: okay, um..   


\-----------

Your vision is blurry. Where did your glasses go? You stumble around, and after about 5 minutes, realize they're on your head. Oops. You lower them onto your head, and head to the bathroom. 

Fuck, this place is filthy. You stare at the figure sleeping in your bathtub. Jade???????? When did she get here? You roll your eyes, and gently pat her on the head, trying to avoid her weird furry dog-ear headband. You crack your back, and stare at the bathroom mirror, ignoring the fact that someone wrote "butts butts butts lol" on the bottom half of it. You look.. okay, but your lips are stained black, with the same markings smeared onto your cheek. Jesus, you look like shit. You have bags under your eyes, a red shaped handmark on both cheeks, and even more black markings on your chin and neck. Oh boy. 

JUNE: roooooooose?   
JUNE: did i do something stupid that got me slapped?   
JUNE: like, accost anyone, or something?   


Rose appears as she is beckoned, leaning against the doorway with a soft smile on her face. She looks just as disheveled as you. She has a number written on her forehead. 

ROSE: Nnnnnope.   
ROSE: You were a.. mmperfect gentlelady.   
ROSE: You got slapped 'cause Vriska dared you and Sollux to slap each other until she was satisfied.   
JUNE: wow. why do i not remember that?   
JUNE: what TIME is it???   
ROSE: i think four AM.   
ROSE: We should.. sleep.   
JUNE: for sure.   
JUNE: i guess i should go to my room, then..   
ROSE: orrrrrr not.   


You raise an eyebrow. Rose saunters closer. You notice her lipstick is smudged, dragged slightly to the right, where yours was to the left. Hm. Weird. Rose reaches a hand out and grabs your wrist, tugging it up and resting it on her side. 

JUNE: um?   
ROSE: come sleep w me ;)   
JUNE: UM???????  
ROSE: Not. Like THAT.   
ROSE: Unless you would want to, like, when we're sober, maybe.   
ROSE: I just meant it's super cold...   
ROSE: and your bed is probably a mess..   
ROSE: and..   
JUNE: okay.   
ROSE: Okay?   


You give her a smile, and she bites her tongue in a devious reply. She stands up. A bit on her tippy toes. And gives you a solid kiss. Oh, boy, that's a lot. She tastes like booze and, strangely, bugles? Like, the chip. 

She parts the kiss, and drags you out of the bathroom. She stares at you, with a soft smile, one that she never gives anyone, not even you. She grabs the door handle, and turns it.

Tomorrow, you'll have to clean this up. You'll have to rinse the carpet, remove the stains off the furniture, clean off all the questionable spills on the walls and tables, and stash all the beer bottles and IPAs left unfinished; all while nursing an awful hangover. But for now, as Rose slips into bed, pulling you on top of her, maybe you can forget about all that. You're both a little tipsy, and know not to do anything stupid. Unless being in love with a girl way out of your league is stupid. Unless pulling her close,kissing her, and covering you both with blankets and promptly passing out in the nape of her neck is stupid. 

If that's the case, then you're a fucking imbecile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh. I think I'll call it here. I like the McRib story, but this was all kinds of rushed. It was fun, though. I had fun. Hope you guys had fun too. Follow me @BozuBunny on twitter. Stream my podcast on spotify. I'll write more soon, maybe the next one wont be JuneRose

**Author's Note:**

> This was just laying in my drafts. It'll get trans-er soon.


End file.
